i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
