I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
