Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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