$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
