I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
