the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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