He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
