glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
