My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
