Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize