Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
