I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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