so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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