Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
