here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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