you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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