nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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