1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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