And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
