So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
