Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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