I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
