i need an iv and a liver transplant
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
