my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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