How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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