Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
