If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize