and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
