Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize