haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
