so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
