I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
