he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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