Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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