***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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