i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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