im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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