Capitaan dildo arrescate!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
