My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
