I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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