So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
