SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
