He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize