That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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