I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
