It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
