I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
