You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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