yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
