my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
