After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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