i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
