First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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