I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
