I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
