Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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