weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
