I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
