In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
