I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
