i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
