dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
